1 00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:06,131 After all these years, we finally did it. 2 00:00:06,215 --> 00:00:07,841 The perfect sleepover. 3 00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,468 Keep your head still. 4 00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:11,553 R-rated movie, check. 5 00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,472 Video games, check. 6 00:00:13,473 --> 00:00:16,307 That loose pill we found on the floor of the bus station 7 00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,769 that we think might be Percocet, check. 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,145 How are we liking this? 9 00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,275 Ugh. I have so many moles on my scalp. 10 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,070 -[yawns] -Sounds like bedtime. 11 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,233 I'll go brush my teeth. 12 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,615 Whoa. Whoa. We didn't have a sleepover 13 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:33,575 just to spend time apart. 14 00:00:33,659 --> 00:00:35,118 Let's brush together. 15 00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:37,286 [? rock music playing, Bush "Glycerine"] 16 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:41,208 Oh, no. You hear that? It's "Glycerine." 17 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,795 That means Klaus has a lady friend in his alcove. 18 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,589 -So? -So, we have to walk through his alcove 19 00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:48,882 to get to the bathroom. 20 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,776 Maybe we should just skip brushing. 21 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,971 Snot, we ate three pounds of Sour Patch Kids. 22 00:00:53,972 --> 00:00:56,264 Go to bed with that crap stuck to your teeth, 23 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,255 -you'll wake up with a ticket. -Ticket? 24 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,269 To Cavity Town. 25 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,354 Wow, that was a long walk. 26 00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,564 Not as long as this one. Come on. 27 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:06,441 Stay close and keep your eyes shut. 28 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:09,778 [Klaus groaning] 29 00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,449 -Oh, my God. -What? 30 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,326 -Mom? -Schmuely. 31 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,037 I never thought in a million years you'd see this. 32 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:20,747 Why would you think that? 33 00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:24,084 You drove me here. You dropped me off. 34 00:01:24,085 --> 00:01:25,543 You know this guy or something? 35 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,254 Honey, let me explain. 36 00:01:27,337 --> 00:01:28,839 Where did your shirt go? 37 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:31,383 I was waiting for the right moment to tell you 38 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,302 Klaus and I are dating. 39 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,304 Dating with benefits. 40 00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,015 The benefits are sex with your mom. 41 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,558 [? theme song playing] 42 00:01:41,059 --> 00:01:43,812 ? Good morning, USA ? 43 00:01:43,895 --> 00:01:47,357 ? I got a feeling that it's gonna be a wonderful day ? 44 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,319 ? The sun in the sky has a smile on his face ? 45 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:53,780 ? And he's shining a salute to the American race ? 46 00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:59,995 ? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ? 47 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:02,414 ? Good morning, USA ? 48 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,252 [chorus] ? Good morning, USA ? 49 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,215 It's Saturday morning. 50 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:14,508 What do the Smiths have cooking this weekend? 51 00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:15,761 Steve-o, any big plans? 52 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,472 Uh, Snot and I might watch the Kids Choice Awards. 53 00:02:18,473 --> 00:02:20,181 Boring. I can tell you what happens. 54 00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:22,476 Jack Black gets slimed. Francine, you're up. 55 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:23,609 No way. 56 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,605 I'm not saying nothing till we hear your plans. 57 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,315 -My plans? -Yes, Stan. 58 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:31,026 Your big weekend plans. What are they? 59 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,820 I, uh... I have an important CIA mission. 60 00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,447 Oh, yeah? What's the mission? 61 00:02:35,530 --> 00:02:37,115 You want to know my mission? 62 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:39,742 [Stan] You're cooked. You have nothing going on this weekend, 63 00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:40,793 and she knows it. 64 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,287 Time to face the music. 65 00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:44,247 Excuse me. Jeff and I have plans. 66 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,381 Oh, thank God. 67 00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:47,125 I'm fulfilling a lifelong dream 68 00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:49,711 and opening a Japanese-style cat cafe. 69 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,756 -A what? -It's a cafe but with cats. 70 00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:55,884 You secured a loan, permits, found real estate, 71 00:02:55,967 --> 00:02:58,970 and built out a full cafe? That must have taken months. 72 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:01,556 -Years. -[Klaus] Boy, I'm starving. 73 00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:08,480 I probably burned 10,000 calories last night. 74 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:11,024 That woman is insatiable. 75 00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,368 Could you please shut up? 76 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,451 Hey, who's this guy coming into my house 77 00:03:14,452 --> 00:03:15,736 and telling me to shut up? 78 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,365 It's Snot. You've met him, like, 600 times. 79 00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:19,498 My bad, Snot. 80 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,163 I think I must have a concussion 81 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,611 from banging my head against your mom's thighs. 82 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,917 Welcome to Whiskers and Cream. 83 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,293 What's with the cats? 84 00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:33,505 I'll let our Head of Consumer Education handle this one. 85 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:36,842 -It's a cafe but with cats. -I see. 86 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,631 I'll take an espresso. 87 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,394 [cat purrs] 88 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:44,352 Actually, just cancel my order. 89 00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:46,935 Jeff, did I overestimate the demand 90 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,687 for a Japanese-style cat cafe? 91 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:52,482 Business will pick up, babe. Look, someone's coming now. 92 00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,396 [? upbeat pop music playing, Bee Gees "Stayin' Alive"] 93 00:04:06,423 --> 00:04:08,706 [music stops abruptly] 94 00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:09,958 What do you want, Roger? 95 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,710 Not Roger. Marmalade. 96 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:13,879 [coughing] 97 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,728 Here's my application. 98 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,299 Sorry, we're fully staffed. 99 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:18,842 You call this a staff? 100 00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,760 Snowflake, Zucchini. 101 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,512 Cleo isn't even spayed. 102 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,682 Slut. I'm a slut, too, but for customers. 103 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,601 I'm a customer slut. Watch this. 104 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,315 You want me to order something? 105 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:34,566 Meow. 106 00:04:34,649 --> 00:04:36,526 Hey, waiter. A large chai tea. 107 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,069 Meow. 108 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:39,321 And the scone. 109 00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:43,597 Found this. Thought you'd like it. 110 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,787 You took a big risk opening a cat cafe. 111 00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,790 As a cat, I swear I'll work harder than anyone. 112 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:51,983 Please, give me a chance to prove it to you. 113 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,085 [sighs] 114 00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:56,421 -We open at 8:00. -I'll be here at 7:30. 115 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,549 I've had a hiccup. My car ran out of juice. 116 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:02,510 It's a first-generation EV, and the range is only eight miles. 117 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,428 I need the day to get this all sorted out. 118 00:05:04,429 --> 00:05:05,597 But while I have you, 119 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,391 how do I add 16 dependents to the health plan? 120 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,105 My wife just had another litter. 121 00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,647 [Esther] Oh, my God, that was incredible. 122 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:19,027 Look at me, sitting between two boobs like a king. 123 00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,112 If only my boys could see me now. 124 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,574 Aw, you have boys? How did I not know that? 125 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,827 No idea. I talk about them constantly. 126 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,994 How old are they? 127 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,287 Jeez, I don't know. 128 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:32,290 My Myrtle Beach crew looks 40, but that's just sun damage. 129 00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,707 I thought you meant children. 130 00:05:33,708 --> 00:05:36,336 Me, have kids? [laughing] That's hilarious. 131 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,587 Hard pass. 132 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:40,298 Well, me and Schmuely are a package deal. 133 00:05:40,382 --> 00:05:43,093 Satisfying my every sexual need isn't enough. 134 00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:45,261 I need someone who can connect with my kid. 135 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,681 -And you don't think I can? -I have my doubts. 136 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:48,849 What... I... 137 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,934 I mean, I love Shroomer. 138 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,353 -Schmuely! -The name's irrelevant! 139 00:05:53,354 --> 00:05:55,020 You want a father figure for Snot? 140 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:57,858 Well, guess what. You're looking at him, baby. 141 00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,018 Let's go, Schmuely. Your mom says we have to bond. 142 00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:02,821 Wait, you're going? 143 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:05,282 Steve, I've always wanted a dad. 144 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,033 He might not be my first choice, 145 00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,619 but my mom likes him. I'm willing to try. 146 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,203 Schmoove that butt, Schmuely. 147 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:13,497 Now, the first thing to remember, 148 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,584 always shave with the scales. 149 00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,504 What I meant to say was, 150 00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:22,048 always shave against the scales. 151 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,720 Hello, Don Draper. 152 00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,602 I thought we were going to the botanical gardens. 153 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,979 I said, "Plants." Sit next to Big Ed. 154 00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:38,439 He'll teach you the difference between indica and sativa. 155 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,524 No, I won't. 156 00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,238 He's joking. Sit down next to him. 157 00:06:45,864 --> 00:06:47,699 I have an acupuncture appointment. 158 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:50,535 Be back in a couple hours. Behave. 159 00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:52,328 [chuckles nervously] 160 00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,122 Want to see a pregnant armadillo? 161 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:58,168 My favorite garbage truck. 162 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,045 The Sidewinder XTR 163 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:03,006 has a 900 cubic foot trash compartment. 164 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,425 It can take load after load. 165 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,636 Oh. You know who that reminds me of. 166 00:07:07,719 --> 00:07:08,769 I'm going home. 167 00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:11,273 Wait, wait. You didn't hear what I was going to say. 168 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:13,850 It reminds me of your mom. 169 00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:17,687 Man, parenting is hard. 170 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,023 You said it, little buddy. 171 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:21,941 [gasps] You can talk? 172 00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:24,486 Thanks to these toxic dump fumes, 173 00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,280 I can do anything you want. 174 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:28,531 Anything? 175 00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,617 Ho-ho-ho! 176 00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,160 Yeah! 177 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:40,177 I can't connect with Snot. 178 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,295 -He's unconnectable. -Not with me. 179 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,255 That's different. You're his friend. 180 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,341 I need to be his dad, and he hates me. 181 00:07:46,342 --> 00:07:47,841 What have you two done together? 182 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:48,892 Let's see. 183 00:07:48,893 --> 00:07:51,845 We took Jurgen and his girlfriend to Planned Parenthood. 184 00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:54,182 Snot actually got punched by a pro-lifer. 185 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:55,433 Uh, what else? 186 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,897 We picked up my dry cleaning. 187 00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,061 You're bad at this. 188 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,605 Well, what do you expect? I never knew my own dad. 189 00:08:00,689 --> 00:08:02,357 Okay, chill out. 190 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,401 I have an idea. Remember Del? 191 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,236 The guy who used to date Snot's mom. 192 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,779 Goldfish have bad memories. 193 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,448 They moved into Del's townhouse in Chesterbrook. 194 00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:15,036 In honor of the great Snot moving in, 195 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,470 I took the liberty of stocking the fridge with... 196 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,333 Specialty sodas? 197 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,254 Snot was the happiest I've ever seen him. 198 00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:27,215 Until Del caught Mrs. Lonstein cheating. 199 00:08:27,298 --> 00:08:29,008 Oh, no. With who? 200 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,636 With you! On an air hockey table! 201 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:32,929 Right. 202 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,746 [Klaus] Wait, why are we remembering this? 203 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,563 Because Snot adored Del. 204 00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,940 If you want to connect with Snot, be like him. 205 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,650 Do wholesome stuff together. 206 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:48,445 Model rockets, kayaking, baseball cards. 207 00:08:48,446 --> 00:08:51,030 You're still thinking about the air hockey table. 208 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,532 No. 209 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,246 Thanks for taking me here. I used to come all the time. 210 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,559 Tell you what, pick out any card in the shop, 211 00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:01,662 and I'll buy it for you. 212 00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:02,758 No way. 213 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,628 Within reason. Keep it under 10 bucks. 214 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:07,004 Want to see my collection? 215 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:09,841 I'm going for all the great Jewish athletes. 216 00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:11,593 I've already got Sandy Koufax, 217 00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,470 so now I just need the other one. 218 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,556 [narrator] Hey, dadders. Who do you think Snot considers 219 00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,558 the other great Jewish athlete? 220 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,101 Whisper your answer into the side of your television set, 221 00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,395 and if you're right, 222 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,856 Roger will say your name on air 223 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,067 at the end of the episode. 224 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,611 [Del] Do my eyes deceive me? 225 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:33,031 -The great Snot in the flesh. -[both] Del? 226 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,992 It's so good to see you. 227 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,244 I was hoping we'd cross paths one day. 228 00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:40,371 Hey, Del. Not sure you remember me, I'm- 229 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:41,831 I know who you are. 230 00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,709 Wow, Snot, you look so grown up. 231 00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,294 We should catch up properly. 232 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:48,129 Can I treat you two to ice cream? 233 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,882 I recall Snot's a Rocky Road man. 234 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,132 We have ice cream at home. 235 00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,551 Is it Rocky Road? 236 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,645 Not sure. It's so old, it's mostly ice crystals at this point. 237 00:09:56,721 --> 00:10:00,809 I think I'd rather go with Del if that's okay. 238 00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:03,478 -I guess. But- -To my chariot, Snot. 239 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,371 To the mighty Sebring convertible 240 00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,982 built by Lord Chrysler himself. 241 00:10:10,902 --> 00:10:12,222 What type of store is this? 242 00:10:12,223 --> 00:10:14,321 I'm late for work, and need an extension cord 243 00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:15,990 that can reach I-95. 244 00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:17,492 [doorbell rings] 245 00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:19,205 -[Esther] Klaus? -Hey, Esther. 246 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,594 Is Snot home? I thought we could hit the arcade. 247 00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:23,915 That's so sweet. 248 00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:26,668 But Snot just left for Six Flags with Del. 249 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,753 -Del? -Snot always liked Del, 250 00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,673 and I see no harm in it. Don't be insecure. 251 00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:33,675 Insecure of what? Del? 252 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:36,344 The guy who puts cheese in his guacamole? 253 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,595 He's from Wisconsin. 254 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,305 That doesn't make it right. 255 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:41,099 Why are you taking his side? 256 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:44,310 Okay, you're acting crazy. Call me when you calm down. 257 00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:47,856 Calm down? I'll show you calm. 258 00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,816 [screams] 259 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:55,947 Let's see how perfect Del is. 260 00:10:56,614 --> 00:10:58,032 Ice cream again? 261 00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:01,703 The man can handle lactose, I'll give him that. 262 00:11:01,786 --> 00:11:03,329 Are you spying on girls? 263 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,955 You're not supposed to do that. 264 00:11:04,956 --> 00:11:06,624 Leave me alone. I'm spying on Del. 265 00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:07,758 Who's Del? 266 00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,379 -You a squirrel or something? -Raccoon. 267 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:13,680 Do you have any kids? 268 00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,550 I'm 16. 269 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,051 Good for you. 270 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,345 Kids are hard, man. 271 00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:21,472 Trust me. I tried being a dad once, 272 00:11:22,098 --> 00:11:23,224 a couple of days ago. 273 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,350 Hey, do you guys sell tequila? 274 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:28,271 [Del] Apply firm downward pressure. 275 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,232 Push through the cut at an even pace. 276 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,526 Whoa. I'm doing it. 277 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,862 [Klaus] You call this a garage? 278 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,404 What are you doing here, Klaus? 279 00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,157 What are you doing here, Snot? 280 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,993 Del is teaching me how to use a circular saw. 281 00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:44,537 Circular saw. Pfft. 282 00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:46,789 I got your circular saw right here. 283 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:47,957 Can I get you a water? 284 00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,501 No, but you can get me another bottle of this. 285 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:51,635 [bottle breaks] 286 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,671 Gotta make that catch. 287 00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:56,007 Uh, I feel uncomfortable. 288 00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,218 [shushes] Papa Klaus is here. 289 00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,970 Lift me up, and I'll teach you how to saw. 290 00:12:02,347 --> 00:12:04,807 Don't look at Del. It's my job to teach you stuff. 291 00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,351 Not his. Mine. 292 00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:07,851 You should wear safety glasses. 293 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,521 Maybe that's how they do it in Wisconsin, 294 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:13,816 but around here, we raise men. 295 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,902 Watch and learn, Snot. 296 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,407 [screams] 297 00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,535 Do you know why this happened? 298 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:26,454 You didn't wear safety glasses. 299 00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:30,625 It happened because Del buys cheap, splintery wood! 300 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:34,379 I found the tweezers, but I suggest you go to urgent care. 301 00:12:34,462 --> 00:12:37,006 Urgent care for an eyeball splinter. 302 00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,967 Okay, Bill Gates. 303 00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,740 Would you at least like a mirror? 304 00:12:40,802 --> 00:12:43,638 It's in my eye. I can see it. 305 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,558 [groans] 306 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:49,102 You're pushing it deeper. 307 00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,688 You're not the first Lonstein to say that to me. 308 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:54,148 Aah. You get back here. 309 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,610 Well, I don't see the splinter anymore. 310 00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:58,820 [Snot shudders] 311 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,936 -[kittens meowing] -How do you have to pee again? 312 00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:05,492 You had, like, one lick of water. 313 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,035 -[cell phone rings] -[line connects] 314 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,620 Hayley, hi. It was a real struggle 315 00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:10,414 getting the kittens out the door today. 316 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:11,666 Daddy's on a work call! 317 00:13:11,667 --> 00:13:13,375 [Hayley] What is going on with you? 318 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:14,919 I might be late to work today. 319 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,004 I still have to drop the kittens off at school. 320 00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:18,422 [Hayley] Cats don't go to school! 321 00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,092 Mine do, they hunt for mice on the lacrosse field. 322 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:22,719 Oh, you won't believe this. 323 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:23,852 You're not coming in. 324 00:13:23,928 --> 00:13:27,098 No. Well, yes. But I also forgot to pack the kittens lunch. 325 00:13:27,099 --> 00:13:29,141 Can you just eat the school mice today? 326 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,372 -[kitten meows] -School mice are not gross. 327 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,246 Hayley, see what I'm dealing with? 328 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:37,942 [? upbeat pop music playing] 329 00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,999 Breakfast is served. 330 00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,792 Why are you in my refrigerator? 331 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,544 Because I'm abducting you. 332 00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:57,879 Don't bother running. 333 00:13:57,962 --> 00:14:00,715 This is a Dr. Slippy's homing dart. 334 00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,633 But I didn't do anything wrong. 335 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,969 Exactly. You never do anything wrong. 336 00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:07,555 You're the perfect father figure in every way! 337 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,016 And Snot will always choose you over me. 338 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:12,560 And eventually, so will his mom. 339 00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,352 That's what you were worried about? 340 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,271 Me and Esther getting back together? 341 00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:17,815 I moved on, Klaus. 342 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:19,484 I don't believe you. 343 00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:21,359 Now, before you say, "Good night," 344 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,571 I have just one question, 345 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,239 this sliding egg tray, 346 00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:27,492 did it come with the refrigerator 347 00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:29,494 or was it an aftermarket purchase? 348 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,745 Aftermarket. 349 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,456 Wrong answer. 350 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,546 [thuds] 351 00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,423 Where are we going? 352 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,557 Lanceton Canyon. 353 00:14:43,558 --> 00:14:45,550 I'm going to tie a brick to the gas pedal, 354 00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,595 and send you right over the edge. 355 00:14:47,678 --> 00:14:50,628 Then I'll probably take a guided donkey tour to the bottom. 356 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,767 -The perfect crime. -[pop] 357 00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,028 [Klaus] We're gonna die! 358 00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:56,395 Stay calm. 359 00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,941 Just turn into the skid, and gently apply the brakes. 360 00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:04,529 See here? There's a nail in the side wall. 361 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:07,030 If it was on the tread, I'd show you how to patch it, 362 00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,574 but you need a whole new tire. 363 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,244 It's getting dark, though. I suggest we set up camp. 364 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,538 Camp? Like camping? 365 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:15,491 Where are your emergency supplies? 366 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:19,377 A box of Hustler magazines and a ukulele. 367 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:21,750 There should be edible condoms in there, too. 368 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:26,384 [cell phone buzzing] 369 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,178 It's work. Unbelievable. 370 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,346 Do you realize how inappropriate this is, 371 00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,682 calling me at home during family movie night? 372 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,267 [Hayley] Are you coming into work tomorrow? 373 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,936 -[meows] -No, don't pause it. 374 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,603 By the way, when am I getting my paycheck? 375 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:40,148 Direct deposit is a nightmare. 376 00:15:40,149 --> 00:15:41,565 You haven't earned any money! 377 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,901 Nothing I do will ever be good enough for you! 378 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:46,195 You're a tyrant, and karma will get you! 379 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,509 I just want to know if you're coming in or not. 380 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:51,450 [sighs] I need to lay all my cards on the table. 381 00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:53,704 I want to be a partner. I think I've earned it. 382 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,663 I also want the cafe to be renamed 383 00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,748 Big Marmalade's Caffeine Throwdown. 384 00:15:57,832 --> 00:15:59,167 You never even clocked in! 385 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,543 I forgot where it is. 386 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,503 I was only there once, and I was drunk. 387 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,089 -You're fired. -Can you even fire a partner? 388 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,883 Or is that something we should let the courts decide? 389 00:16:09,343 --> 00:16:10,803 These are all I could carry. 390 00:16:10,887 --> 00:16:12,930 Those are perfect, buddy. 391 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:15,266 Let's arrange them over the paper like this. 392 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:17,810 After the twigs catch fire, we'll add sticks, 393 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:19,145 and eventually logs. 394 00:16:20,018 --> 00:16:22,689 [Del playing "Glycerine"] 395 00:16:22,690 --> 00:16:24,692 ? It must be your skin ? 396 00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,069 ? I'm sinking in ? 397 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,322 ? It must be for real ? 398 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:31,824 ? 'Cause now I can feel ? 399 00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,452 You can play "Glycerine" on that? 400 00:16:34,535 --> 00:16:35,870 Sure. Want to learn? 401 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,624 Let me see your fin. 402 00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,375 This is a C chord. 403 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,295 Whoa! I'm doing it! 404 00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:48,381 [Del] That's the Andromeda galaxy. 405 00:16:48,382 --> 00:16:51,219 The farthest thing visible by the naked eye. 406 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:53,721 It's so far, the light we see 407 00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:56,933 took over two million years to reach us. 408 00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,935 I see the Big Dipper. 409 00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:00,068 You've said that. 410 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,562 I just realized something. 411 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:04,565 This is actually my first camping trip. 412 00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:07,193 What? Your father never took you? 413 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:09,862 No. He choked to death when I was young. 414 00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:13,366 He tried on a turtleneck that was way too tight at the Gap. 415 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,358 [sobbing] Or as we called it... 416 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,496 Das Gaphapshaftenstein. 417 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,997 [weeping] 418 00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,501 It's okay to cry. Let it out. 419 00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:27,546 [crying loudly] 420 00:17:33,970 --> 00:17:36,222 Oh, Del. Sweet Del. 421 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,808 I was wrong all along. 422 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,434 I don't want you to be dead. 423 00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,396 I want you to be Dad. 424 00:17:49,318 --> 00:17:50,820 Well, this is your stop. 425 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:52,905 Sorry about the whole abduction thing. 426 00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:54,490 Water under the bridge. 427 00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:57,118 You take care of yourself now, slugger. 428 00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:58,953 Hey, Dad... I mean, Del, 429 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,090 do you think we could catch a ball game tomorrow? 430 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,416 The Laser Rats are in town. 431 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,543 Sorry. I have plans with Snot. 432 00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,714 Snot. 433 00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,218 And is it true, Marmalade, 434 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:18,306 your car only gets eight miles range on a full charge 435 00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:22,643 and as a result, you suffer from severe range anxiety? 436 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:24,812 -Meow. -Aww. 437 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:29,066 Now, we don't drive many electric vehicles down where I'm from, 438 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,985 so, pardon my ignorance, 439 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,863 but eight miles sure sounds low. 440 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,698 That must be hard on you. 441 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:38,159 Me-ow. 442 00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,828 -[all] Aww. -This is ridiculous. 443 00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,101 That's it, young lady. I hold you in contempt. 444 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:46,250 Bailiff, remove her from the courtroom. 445 00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:48,961 I hereby award ownership of the cafe 446 00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,588 to Marmalade the Cat. 447 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,757 Don't do this. 448 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,884 The cat cafe was my dream. 449 00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,427 He never even showed up. 450 00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:57,762 He's not even a cat! 451 00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:00,264 [doorbell rings] 452 00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:02,850 Morning, Esther. 453 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:05,186 Snot and I have a tee time for miniature golf. 454 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:06,896 Really? That's strange. 455 00:19:06,897 --> 00:19:08,647 Klaus and Snot left a little while ago. 456 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,065 They're going to Lanceton Canyon. 457 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,318 Lanceton Can... [gasps] 458 00:19:13,027 --> 00:19:14,445 Del, what's wrong? 459 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:17,490 The hairs on your goatee, they're standing straight up! 460 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:21,786 It's my paternal instinct. Snot is in trouble. 461 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,874 Your mom is a great woman, Snot. 462 00:19:26,957 --> 00:19:29,293 But I don't need a great woman. 463 00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:30,503 I need a dad. 464 00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,881 Look at me, sending an innocent kid off a cliff. 465 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:36,342 I need a dad way more than you. 466 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,760 [mumbling] 467 00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:40,096 Sayonara, Snot-a. 468 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,639 [honking] 469 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,391 Don't do it, Klaus. 470 00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,767 You can't stop me, Dad. 471 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,977 -Dad? -Let him go. 472 00:19:47,061 --> 00:19:49,980 And what? Go back to being Snot's father figure? 473 00:19:50,064 --> 00:19:52,316 No way. I stink at it. 474 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:53,818 Yeah, that ship has sailed. 475 00:19:53,819 --> 00:19:55,610 Okay, well, that doesn't change the fact 476 00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:57,029 that I never had a father! 477 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,781 I choose Del as my dad, 478 00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,784 and Snot's the only thing standing in my way. 479 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:02,952 I have an idea. 480 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,412 You let Snot go, 481 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:07,152 and I'll take both of you out to Denny's. 482 00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,916 Both of us? Hmm. 483 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:13,587 So, Snot and I would essentially be brothers? 484 00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:16,090 I have a better idea. Let my son go, 485 00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:18,341 -or I'll gut you like a fish! -Your call, sport. 486 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,886 Death by angry mom or pancakes. 487 00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,973 [? soft music playing] 488 00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:27,568 Sport chooses pancakes! 489 00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:31,105 I hope there are no hard feelings, Snot. 490 00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:33,149 I know I was a terrible dad, 491 00:20:33,941 --> 00:20:35,401 but I'll be a great brother. 492 00:20:35,943 --> 00:20:37,069 What do you say? 493 00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,071 I say, "Enjoy your trip." 494 00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,532 My trip? Where am I going? 495 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:44,160 [screams] You got me, bro! 496 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,879 [? "Glycerine" playing] 497 00:20:55,121 --> 00:20:59,591 -[song stops] -[narrator] Dadders, the winner 498 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:03,345 of our Great Jewish Athlete Contest is... 499 00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:04,722 Kevin Hart. 500 00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:06,056 Wait. Kevin Hart? 501 00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,224 [narrator] That's right. Comedian Kevin Hart 502 00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:11,145 correctly guessed Julian Edelman. 503 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:12,855 [? "Glycerine" resumes] 504 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,024 This cat cafe was a great idea. 505 00:21:16,285 --> 00:21:20,945 When Hayley gets out of jail, we gotta bring her. 506 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,573 Oh, wow, looks like Esther and Del are back together. 507 00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,825 Yeah. Isn't it great? 508 00:21:24,909 --> 00:21:27,244 Snot finally has a normal family. 509 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,538 [Klaus sighs] 510 00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,332 I miss banging Mom. 511 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,876 Bye. Have a great day. 512 00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:38,476 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0